Seven Things The Auto Makers Do That Drive Me (Us?) Crazy!

Buick Y-Job - Designed by the same man who conceived the Corvette - never hit the showroom floors.

Buick Y-Job – Designed by the same man who conceived the Corvette – never hit the showroom floors.

1. Patent very cool-looking designs for cool cars they will never build.

2. Show us very cool-looking concept cars that they will never build.

3. Insist on using an 80-year old system of dealers full of white-pants wearing, hucksters who would say or do anything to sell a car. Well anything but tell you the truth.

4. Create lovely cars (called halo cars) and then make so few of them (to artificially drive up demand) that you have to pay over MSRP to buy one from one of the white-pants wearing hucksters referenced in number three.

5. Tease new cars so early and so often that by the time the car is actually available nobody cares.

6. Create car ads that involve people screaming at the top of their lungs that we should buy their cars.

7. Spend too much time focused on what their competition is doing and not enough time asking their customers what they actually want.

The US Automotive Market Is In Trouble

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(And bailouts, the economy, the fiscal cliff all have nothing to do with it.)

UPDATE: You can’t make this stuff up folks. Jeep responded to me on Twitter asking which model I was interested in. Even  though my Tweet/post clearly said Trailhawk….they didn’t get it. Then they Tweeted that I could use their dealer search tool and assured me that two different dealers in my area had product in stock. The below screen cap is a result of the search based on the link they provided.

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So again – I called both dealerships. The guy at Chapman Jeep (probably having read my post) simply hung up on me. I said “Do you have any Jeep Trailhawks on the lot.” That’s it. Nothing more – nothing less. He hung up. I called the other Jeep dealer (at 9:30 am PST) and got voice mail. Like I said, these guys need lots of help. If I ran my business this poorly – I’d be out of business. Never had to work so hard to give someone money in my whole life.

RANT TIME. If you don’t want to read a rant come back tomorrow. Today I’m ranting about one of my favorite topics. The US dealer network for American autos.

I’m in the market for a 2013 Jeep Trailhawk. I go to the Jeep website. Spec out a model, fill out the forms, spend 30 minutes or so, wading through a clunky interface that keeps splashing “CLOSEOUT ON 2012 MODELS” at me despite the fact I’m a 2013 buyer. I go to the trouble of filling everything out and I ask for a quote. I get an auto-response that says my “Jeep Patriot quote is on the way.” WTF? Patriot? I asked about a Trailhawk. They can’t even get this part right!

12 hours later I get a voicemail from a guy who assures me he won’t be undersold on a Patriot. “Good for you dude,” I thought. Too bad I am not buying a Patriot. In the mean time I call dealers in three cities and basically realize that none of them has a clue what a Trailhawk is. But they all assure me I can get zero percent financing on a Jeep Patriot! (AGAIN with the Patriot! And I’m not interested in financing!)

This is typical of what I experience when I go to most US auto dealerships. But Chrysler is without question the worst. Four times in the last two years I have walked into Fiat, Dodge, Jeep or Chrysler dealerships with a pocket full of money, and the full intent to buy and drive a car home. And four times I ended up somewhere either not buying anything or  buying the competition’s cars. This news should certainly upset these companies. But it probably doesn’t based on the form letter they sent me. It went something like this. “Our dealers are independent and we’re not responsible for the fact that may be idiots.”

Where’s the problem? The US dealer network was conceived about the same time as the Model T and hasn’t improved or advanced much since. Especially on the Chrysler side. My father was an investor in several car lots when I was young, including a three-point GM dealership. I used to work at the dealership when I was a kid and trust me when I say, I know this business from the inside out. What’s shocking is I hear the same stuff repeated today that I heard 40 years ago on my dad’s lot!

What you can expect when trying to buy a car from a US automaker? Poor product knowledge, zero customer focus, a complete lack of understanding of social and new media, the inability to answer a simple email, hucksterism, no transparency, high-turnover, I could go on but you get the picture.

“We want to earn your business Mr. Bourne.” (That line is 45 years old. Got anything newer?)

“Whatever it takes to make a deal.” (Yeah right.)

“We’ll even show you the invoice.” (You mean the one you generated after dealer pack, advertising money, holdback, etc.?)

The US automakers aren’t in trouble because of the economy. They’re in trouble because they suck. They’re in trouble because they are stuck in a time warp. They can and need to do better. Despite my disdain for the current state of affairs, I am rooting for them and hoping they’ll get it right. But I don’t think that will change any time soon.

After spending days looking for the Trailhawk I want, (or ANY Trailhawk for that matter!) after missed phone calls, downright wrong information (one dealer told me the Teailhawk was a concept car that Jeep never built) unanswered emails, Tweets or emails trying to sell me a Patriot, I’ve just about decided that a Range Rover might be the way to go.

We buy and sell books, music, movies, games, cameras, cellphones, clothing, jewelry, toys, educational materials, furniture, luggage, sporting goods, etc. online. But we are stuck with an arcane dealer network that forces us to deal with poorly-trained hucksters who really couldn’t care less what we want. They force us to come to a dealership. They “T” “O” us (which stands for turn over) to the sales manager after asking for more information than we’d have to give the bank to get a loan or adopt a child. Everything they do they do because they THINK it will end up in a car deal. But at the end of the day, the way to get a car deal is to take care of the customer. Instead, they just want to take some money from us, charge a BS $500 dealer “doc fee,” and move us on our way. They add second stickers to cars, hide unnecessary fees in the deal flow, mark up the financing and treat us like we’re simple marks at a carnival.

This problem exists because our politicians allow the dealerships to be excluded from our anti-trust laws. It’s time to start lobbying Congress to make a change. We need to be able to exclude the sleazy salespeople (and their managers) and buy online with a simple ordering and pricing policy that makes sense, is fair, is transparent and that works.

I am not saying I’m completely giving up on the Trailhawk. I’ve purchased six Jeeps in my lifetime. I tend to like them as utility vehicles. But if I can’t find someone who has the IQ of at least a tree-frog to help me test-drive and buy one of these things soon, I’m going to probably become a Range Rover owner. At least the British know how to sell a car, as is evidenced by my garage full of Jaguars.

So listen up US car companies. Turn the page on 1908. It’s a new day. Stop mouthing the words. Replace them with action. The days of a fat, greasy, uneducated, uninformed, salesman, who’s been on the job three weeks and doesn’t even have business cards; who’s rolling around on the ground at the dealership blocking the customer’s exit while the he screams “What will it take to get you to make a deal today?” are over. That isn’t going to work anymore. You need to train your staffs to actually understand the product. You need to know that the first words out of your mouths shouldn’t be “let me sell you one of these because we have a spiff on them this week.” You need to actually talk to your customers, know your products, help them find the right car and THEN worry about the price. And your pricing should be far more transparent than showing a fake invoice at a sales desk that’s only concerned about “grossing the old fat guy.”

One of these days Congress will drop the anti-trust exemption and you’ll all be screwed. So get it fixed beforehand or you’ll realize you are indeed fungible.

Now that my rant is over I’m going to waste more time trying to give someone $50k for a Jeep. Or, I may end up giving the Range Rover dealer $75k just to save time.

Why I Am Done With NASCAR – It’s A Disgrace That’s Why


Time to put your big boy pants on because today I am ticked. I am going to post an editorial that will probably cost me readers. Good. If you’re a NASCAR fan after yesterday’s fiasco, I couldn’t care less if you read my site or not. It’s time to take a stand.

Don’t you dare call what goes on in NASCAR racing, or sport or anything of the kind. It’s not. It’s a joke. It’s a ruse. It’s shameful. It’s a disgrace. It should be banned. And any company associated with it should be boycotted.

The latest fracas on a NASCAR track was the tipping point for me. You can read about this Jerry Springer moment here – http://on.msnbc.com/SW0B2p

Personally, this doesn’t represent any kind of racing I know. Fist fights seem to be the mainstay of NASCAR. Bullying folks, calling them names, threatening them and beating them. That’s what NASCAR represents today. It’s devolved into something where so-called “professional race car drivers” intentionally crash into each other – endangering themselves, the fans, the crews and the sport. It’s absurd and it’s garbage and it has no place in motorsports. It reminds me of the old Demolition Derby. (I apologize to Demolition Derby fans. It was unfair of me to taint that with a connection to NASCAR!)

I grew up in Indianapolis. NASCAR was always looked down upon there. I thought it was unfair. To me, back then, racing was racing. I went over to Europe to photograph Formula One. They looked down on Indy-car racing and even more so on NASCAR. Again, I thought it was unfair. To me, back then, racing was racing. I didn’t care if you ran top fuel, midgets, karts, open wheel – whatever. If you raced – I respected you and what you did. I looked up to racers. I wanted to be a racer. But after watching the fiasco that has developed over at NASCAR these last few years, I am done considering what happens on a NASCAR track racing. It’s not. In my Constitutionally-protected opinion it’s a bunch of hopped-up redneck thugs who seem to think they are stars in a badly-scripted B-Movie. Grown men, acting like 13-year-olds trying to prove theirs is bigger than the next guy’s. There seems to be more fighting than driving in NASCAR these days and the event in Phoenix is the straw that broke the camel’s back.

So from now on – if you’re involved with NASCAR, don’t tell me you’re into racing, or cars or motorsports or anything of the sort. Tell me you’re into thugs acting like thugs, throwing cheap punches at a minor league hockey game, desperate for attention and bound to lose because that’s obviously easier than learning how to act like a professional and drive a race car in such a way as to bring honor and glory to a sport that deserves both. Tell me you’re a washed up professional wrestler. Heck tell me you do UFC fighting. But don’t you dare call yourself a racer. You don’t deserve that title. It’s reserved for honorable people who pursue motor sports with a degree of decorum and sportsmanship. NASCAR can’t claim anything close.

If you’re a television network broadcasting this pablum, shame on you. If you’re a NASCAR sponsor shame on you too. I won’t do business with you. If you’re a NASCAR fan and you let your kids watch this crap, you should be reported to child services. If you’re an aspiring driver and you think NASCAR is for you – go to boxing school instead of racing school because it appears that the thugs have taken over and the race car drivers have all checked out.

What a disgrace.

What About The V-12?